At Heart & Soul Coaching and Retreats®,
we help people make the changes they want to make in life
in order to better their lives.
HERE’S WHAT WE KNOW:
We all know that life is not a dress rehearsal. We all know that we simply cannot rely on just ‘dressing the part’ and expect to accomplish all of our goals and dreams in life – either personal or professional. Granted ‘dressing the part’ can make us temporarily feel good inside – boost, even heighten our self-esteem, self-confidence, self-motivation and self-determination but it is only temporary. ‘Dressing the part’ cannot deepen our self-trust/reliance nor strengthen our self-respect. These qualities are as fundamental as the others to feeling whole and ready to take on life ‘whole-heartedly’ and ‘soul-fully’. In other words, being able to feel and express our authenticity – our uniqueness, our passions in life, what makes you… you.
Don’t get me wrong, ‘dressing the part’ is ok. It gets you ‘feeling’ better by releasing important ‘feel good’ chemicals within your physical body. But in order for you to grow, evolve as a person, you will need to dig a little deeper and show more than your external persona to the world because the rest of us need to learn along side of you as you need to learn along side of us. Get up in the morning and make sure to share some parts of your internal persona – your strengths and weaknesses, your interests, knowledge, experiences, needs, wants, goals and dreams with someone during the day. Don’t worry about when and where to share, you don’t need to seek out the moment because it will present itself to you. Someone will cross your path needing a little advice, a little reinforcement and you’ll be there. The same will happen for you when you need a little encouragement. Life happens when we let go of trying to control it. No dress rehearsal needed!
You just need to welcome c-h-a-n-g-e as part of your daily life. We’re not meant to know everything all at once. We’re meant to experience and learn from each other. Trust me, this takes a lot of the stress away. Even better, trust yourself and try welcoming c-h-a-n-g-e in your life for one day. Notice what happens. Ah… time gets spent on important things. I know, keep reading there’s so much more to learn about life. I’m excited! You?
If making the change you want to make in life is important to you, you’ll make it happen. If it’s not important, you’ll continue to find excuses because we all know that it’s a lot easier to continue to doubt ourselves than to face our fears and take action. The problem is the more you focus on doubting yourself, the more your brain mirrors it back to you. The choice is yours. But ultimately, isn’t there only one choice to make… to be happy in life.
Here’s a simple formula that you will come across throughout this website and that I want you to remember it as it will serve you well in life: Making authentic choices based on your personal values + welcoming change in your behaviours and actions + practicing self-leadership on a daily basis = the courage to create authentic joy and personal happiness in your life. Why? Because all this will help you face your fears, address your insecurities, vulnerabilities, and have you set and accomplish goals and realize your dreams in life.
I know c-h-a-n-g-e is not easy. But here’s what I want to do for you. I want to change the way you ‘feel’ about the word c-h-a-n-g-e. I want to try to to eliminate the feelings of fears you’ve attached to the word c-h-a-n-g-e. What do you say? Are you willing to give it a try? OK, awesome! Let’s continue.
Change is in the very fabric of life itself. Change is woven throughout our life from the moment we are born, we start changing. Nature constantly changes. Our whole planet, universe has been changing – evolving for billions of years. Although we know everything follows certain cycles and rhythms – the sun will rise and set each day, the ocean tides will ebb and flow each day, nature’s seasons will change, etc., for most of us, welcoming change as a positive experience or event in our lives is against our core beliefs.
Here’s the thing! Change is not a negative word, feeling or place. Yes, it does get you out of your comfort zone and it can create feelings that elicit insecurities and fears such as anxiety, guilt, shame, rejection, abandonment, sadness, depression, loneliness, jealousy, resentment, anger, etc., but if you think about it, the actual experience of change is but a moment in time. Of course, a significant change in your life can create a sequence of changes – moments. But that doesn’t mean that the sequence of changes that follow a significant change will all be negative.
In fact, it is through change that we all evolve. Your duty, your responsibility as a human being, a person is to decide how long the emotions(s) you’ve attached to the change in your life will last. Especially if the change causes you insecurities and fears. Try and see beyond the period of discomfort and not get ‘stuck’ in it. Since you have no choice but to experience it, go through it, and learn from it. Make a choice to evolve from it as an individual. Your choice to move forward will have you in control of your life – will have you self-lead your life. The opposite means you relinquished control of your life to an external factor, experience or individual.
It is extremely important to understand the impact of choices you make and their ripple effect in your daily life. Choices you make are influenced by your thoughts. It is important to be aware of the difference between thoughts emanating from your physical three-brain system and those coming from your mind – thoughts that emanate from the heart of your soul (intuition). Thoughts coming from your mind are born out of your personal values. These thoughts are the principles we live by – our individual authenticity. Thoughts coming from your physical brain are born from your beliefs as well as adopted beliefs from family, friends and society. These thoughts are opinions, beliefs that are recorded as information and emotions to assist and protect us. Beliefs can be empowering or limiting, divisive and judgmental.
The choices you make on a daily basis affect your behaviours, your ability to establish a resilient life structure based on healthy boundaries, and your ability to self-lead your life.
The power behind the choices you make in life is your self-leadership ability. Why self-leadership? Because it is key to experiencing personal happiness and fulfilling relationships, and achieving goals and dreams in life.
Self-leadership is an ability we are all born with. It is instinctive – an innate potential we all have to consciously influence our thoughts and behaviours in order to accomplish goals that lead to realizing our dreams in life.
Developing your self-leadership ability in life initiates a sense of agency that motivates forward momentum to help you create meaningful and rewarding experiences that are based on your own values in life. Skillfully developing key qualities of your self-leadership ability such as self-esteem, self-respect, self-reliance/trust, self-confidence, self-motivation and self-determination is essential to living a fulfilling and happy life. Once you achieve your level of comfort within these key qualities, you let go of being who you were and become who you are meant to be. Learn more about your self-leadership ability.
The power behind your self-leadership ability is your courage – your ability to do something though it frightens you. Courage to change what you want to change in your life is having the courage to let go of who you are to become who you want and are meant to be in life.
When you choose to develop courage in life, you make a commitment to start believing in yourself. The more you believe in yourself, the more self-confident and courageous you become. You start projecting an image of yourself to others that says: “I am worthy of creating experiences that bring me joy in life. I am not afraid of relationships or friendships because I trust that I can make well-informed decisions. I know that I have a lot of happiness to share with someone. I’m motivated to make changes in my life that will inspire me to become who I’ve always known myself to be.”
This you must practice on a daily basis in order to better your life – accomplish your goals on the way to realize your dreams. There is no magic! But the feelings, the rewards you get from experiencing your life the way you want and choose to live it… there’s nothing like it! You sincerely experience what it is to be passionate, motivated, inspired and excited about creating your dreams. We all have dreams – a visceral sense of purpose. I know this is not news to any of you reading this but in order for your purpose to be actualized, it needs you to take the lead through your thoughts. In other words, the way you feel about yourself, the choices you make in life and the actions you take in life.
Yup, this means you’re going to have to be kind, patient and compassionate with yourself as you focus on trusting yourself and by being a learner in life rather than a judger. Tap into your childhood memories… how you learned one thing at a time, one word at a time, and one step at a time. If you want to live the life of your dreams, you’ll need to play the lead character in the story of your life my friend. You’ll need to be the main influencer for realizing each of your dreams. Why do I say ‘lead’ character and ‘main’ influencer? Simply because as you start moving towards your goals, the people and other related resources that are required to help you realize your dreams, will be placed on your path. Trust me, they will.
FEARS – INSECURITIES
Terrified of failing? You’re not alone. If you believe that the risk of failing, facing fears and insecurities is too much for you to handle, I’m here to tell you that this is called owning your life. Being responsible for living your life. I don’t mean to be harsh, I simply know that if I was able to do this, so can you. Trust me you can. Better yet, trust yourself – your inner strength that has brought you here to my website today. If facing your fears, vulnerabilities on your own is too difficult, ask for help – mine or someone else’s. That’s what human beings are suppose to do – help each other achieve our goals and realize our dreams in life so that we can share the best version of ourselves with others.
Here’s the thing, facing our fears, insecurities and vulnerabilities have us grow and evolve as a person in life. By acknowledging our fears, we learn to further develop personal strengths and strengthen weaknesses we have. We learn to develop the courage and determination required to achieve what we set out to achieve in life. We learn to listen and follow our heart instead of listening to negative thinking about ourselves and following limiting habits we adopted from others or created ourselves to cope in life. It’s about listening to your soul – your inner voice as it speaks through your heart. This is where you find your inner strength and where your authentic happiness resides.
So, if you prefer playing the part of a victim, blaming everyone else around you, your upbringing, situations you find yourself in, etc… I suggest you listen up. We all have stories to tell. We all have past experiences – some positive, some negative. How about living our lives in the present and ensuring that our stories have happy outcomes. Honestly, asking ourselves how can we live in the present if all we think about are past experiences – how we’ve been wronged in the past. Why waist valuable time in the present about something we cannot change. Why keep feeding negative experiences from our past when we need to nourish our mental and physical energy to create what is in our heart and soul. The past is the past. It’s over with and we can’t change it. So I ask you to choose to change at this very moment from being a victim of your past negative experiences, and start self-leading your life by being present on a daily basis, taking one step at a time towards accomplishing one goal at a time as you start realizing your dreams in life. You can do it. You totally can!
When unfortunate moments, experiences and situations happen in life, acknowledging them has you not get stuck in them. This means you don’t allow it to take over your life – you move on to living and bettering your life. Remember, life is about balance. When you’re feeling discouraged, disappointed, helpless, lonely, scared, angry, overwhelmed, unsuccessful, etc., ask yourself what’s one little thing you can do to change your thoughts. Choose to let go of the negative thoughts replaying in your physical brain and focus on the thoughts coming from your heart. Access the feelings that make you feel happy, excited, connected to others, relaxed, loved, etc., when you think of them.
Fear itself comes from our external awareness – our brain’s limbic system (emotional brain which supports a variety of functions including emotions, behaviours, motivation, etc.). Now remember, courage comes from within us, from our internal awareness where our ability to consciously influence our thoughts and behaviours resides.
In essence, fears are extrinsic stories and patterns we created or adopted from our families, friends, society as a whole. In fact, our emotional brain keeps repeating our fear patterns for a very simple reason – because it recorded those at a time we were challenged in life and every time it senses we are in similar situations, it wants to protect us by reminding us of the original emotion felt at that specific time. Agreeing with such patterns take us down the path of least resistance and hold us back in life. Recognizing these patterns for what they are may be difficult but with practice possible by reminding ourselves of our ability to consciously influence our thoughts and behaviours, and by establishing resilient boundaries supported by positive thinking and proactive language.
HOW DOES ONE ACHIEVE THIS?
Acknowledging your fear (naming it), and reframing your thoughts (what your brain is thinking and telling you). Imagine the event or situation that is making you feel uncomfortable or agitated, as done, over with, and already in the past. Focus your thoughts on an event that brings you joy and makes you feel excited, scheduled to take place in the near future. You know you can do this because you know how to anchor your thoughts in what you value in life – how to focus on what is important to you in life. You won’t let limiting beliefs, fears or self-doubt get in the way of the person you know yourself to be. You’ve developed key self-leadership qualities and easy strategies that help you stay present and balanced in life.
You know you’ve got this, trust in your ability to accomplish anything your mind sets your brain to do! We all deserve a life filled with happiness – a life that is meaningful and rewarding. A life that gives and that is not afraid to receive. Don’t judge future experiences from your past experiences. Why? Because each one of them is different and has something to teach you. Remember life is about evolving so don’t be a judger, be a learner!
Here is a very interesting and thought-provoking quote for all of us to ponder:
Here are some suggestions for you:
→ Call a friend who is able to inspire and encourage you to change your thoughts. Don’t call just to download your problem and relive it over the phone. Ask for suggestions.
→ Love yourself enough to take good care of yourself. Go outside in nature. Exercise the way you want – indoors or outdoors. Start slowly – 5-15 minutes each day. Increase as you go but not too much so you become discouraged and don’t want to do it at all. The important thing is to do it consistently each and every day. Prepare tasty healthy meals for yourself. Of course, before starting any exercise and diet programs, always check with your physician.
→ If the above is too much for you to handle at the moment, listen to inspiring music or a podcast, watch a motivational movie or Ted Talks, look at a magazine, read a good book – ok, this is where I’ll plug my easy-to-read inspiring e-booklets (find in our Boutique – Shop and available in paper format), etc.
Asking yourself the following questions gets you going on the right path:
→ Knowing the kind of life I presently have, what would I like instead?
→ Knowing how I feel at this very moment, what would I like to feel instead?
→ What would I like to change in my life?
→ What do I need to let go of in my life?
→ What do I want to welcome in my life – bring into my life?
Asking for help is a strength not a weakness…
Our guidance is required to first define what ‘being happy’ means to you. In other words, what you really aspire to achieve in order to live a fulfilling and happy life. As human beings, we sometimes confuse goals along the process with realizing our actual aspirations/dreams in life which ultimately is to be happy.
We hold fun and life changing events where we show people how to reconnect with their values in life – what makes them feel respected, appreciated, loved and understood. Check out our booklets and find out more about how our process helps people achieve their goals and realize our dreams in life.
The following is a glossary referencing words appearing within our work and tools on the pages of this website. It is provided for ease of reference and to facilitate your reading.
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and realize your dreams. (click here)
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Let us help you make the changes you want to make in life.
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Don’t wait until tomorrow, start today. You deserve it.
We are bilingual. / Nous sommes bilingues. © 2016 Heart & Soul Coaching and Retreats
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